The Smartest Thing I Never Said

Thanks to your support, I’m thrilled to share that my book, The Influence Mindset for Sales Acceleration: The 7 EQ Brain Hacks That Get People to Choose You, reached the #1 Bestseller status and is currently ranked as the #1 New Release in its category on Amazon.

In celebration, I wanted to share an excerpt from one of my favorite chapters, and the simple (but difficult) skill you can use to instantly increase your influence. Here it is:

I once was travelling to speak to a major company, and as I landed at the airport, I received a call from the event coordinator. “It just so happens that one of our executives was on the same flight as you.” They shared, “We’ve arranged transportation for her to the hotel, would you like to ride together? It will be about a 45-minute drive.”

Always looking for the chance to connect, I agreed, and they shared the executive’s contact information with me.

After some brief texts to locate each other, we officially met in the baggage claim, and soon, with our luggage in tow, walked to the designated curb to catch our pre-arranged transportation. It was immediately clear she had spent decades in her industry, was highly skilled and intelligent, and best of all, was thoughtful and kind. However, as we loaded into the car, instead of the normal “getting to know you” conversation, I wanted to try something completely different.

For the next 45 minutes, could I focus entirely on her and resist the urge to talk about me and my background? I would of course answer her questions, but for the duration of our trip, could I turn the conversation back to her and give her my full and complete attention?

“I have to say,” I initiated, “I’ve been super impressed with your company as we’ve been planning this event. How did you first begin working for them?”

And that’s how it started.

I switched off my phone, and for the next 45 minutes, I just listened and asked questions.

When she shared about unique turns in her career, I asked how it felt to make those major life decisions. When she mentioned her major accomplishments with the company, I asked about the lessons she learned.

I did my best to compliment her, identify things I thought were really admirable and impressive, and asked about the company’s current challenges and how she felt about them.

Though I was sincere and authentic in my efforts, the process was highly valuable for me as well. I learned a great deal more about the company and made mental notes on how I could adjust my keynote to better serve them and their needs. I also learned more about their industry and gathered important “tribal terms” that were frequently used.

When she asked about me, I answered her questions appropriately but mentioned I would cover it more in depth the following day. I then turned the focus back to her.

As the car ride furthered, she continued to open up and felt more and more at ease, all while I gave her my full attention and resisted the urge to talk about myself.

When we reached the hotel, she did something unexpected. She thanked me.

“This has been the most interesting car ride I’ve had in a long time. You have such fascinating insights, and I’m really excited to hear you speak tomorrow!”

Fascinating insights? I hadn’t said a thing. It turns out the less I talk, the smarter people think I am!

But in her mind, I had spoken volumes. She had felt a wealth of connection in our short car ride together.

The next day, it got even better.

Upon my arrival, and without me knowing, she reached out to the event organizers and asked if she could introduce me in front of the company. The organizers agreed, changed the event schedule, and before I took the stage the next day, this highly respected executive stood and read my bio.

Then, in front of the whole company, she said, “On a personal note, I had the privilege to ride with Christian all the way from the airport yesterday, and he is one of the most interesting people I’ve talked to in a long time. That’s why I asked to personally introduce him to all of you. He had the most fascinating insights, and I had several breakthroughs just listening to him. We are so lucky to have him speaking with us today. Will you please stand and give a warm welcome to Christian Hansen…”

Before I said a single word, I had a standing ovation. As a speaker, you can’t pay enough money for that kind of introduction.

Now to be clear, this story is not about me and is not intended to make me appear special or that I walk on water. Far from it. But this story is important to demonstrate a critical lesson:

You don’t have to be a great conversationalist to help people feel connection. You do, however, have to help them feel heard. And as this experience suggests, helping people feel heard is less about what YOU say, but what you enable THEM to say.

When it comes to influencing people to see you as the obvious choice, never underestimate the power of listening. It isn’t just polite — it’s strategic.

(Give the Gift of Listening)

What does this have to do with influence and success?

In conversations, it is very easy to turn the attention to ourselves. And to be fair, people’s favorite conversation topic is… themselves.

But that often creates this uncomfortable truth:

Your need to be heard gets in the way of their need to be served.

What if in your next high stakes conversation you tried the opposite… instead of talking about yourself, what if you invested your energy to make the conversation all about them?

Like my experience with the executive, you’d be surprised at just how giving the gift of listening can take you.

Maybe it will lead to you getting a standing ovation, too.

Christian

PS. If you want to increase your influence, and be the obvious choice be sure to grab your own copy of my latest book here!

CHRISTIAN HANSEN has gone behind the scenes in some of the biggest organizations in the world to find out the reasons why some people get chosen and why others don’t. As the 2X #1 bestselling and LinkedIn Top Ten ranked author of “The Influence Mindset: The Art & Science of Getting People to Choose You” Christian helps teams and organizations who want to stand out and be the obvious choice. With degrees from Brigham Young University and The London School of Economics, he’s helped thousands of individuals position and sell themselves. A fan of international communication, history, and choral music, he currently lives in Utah with his wife. Reach him at: TheChristianHansen.com