Don't Pray Your Blessings Away

This past week, my family laid to rest my uncle Mark after a 20-year fight with leukemia and graft-versus-host disease.

As I reflect on his life and legacy, one story he taught me stands as a powerful lesson on how to endure difficult times.

Here’s what happened.

When he was first diagnosed with leukemia, he was in his 30’s, a graduate of the University of Chicago MBA program, and the proud father of 3 small children. The news would have been devastating to anyone, but it seemed to land with intense weight on him and his young family.

One night early in his diagnosis, he found himself alone in prayer.

Reflecting on the miraculous stories of healing found in scripture, he fervently prayed for a similar blessing from heaven.

But instead of relief, he received a different answer:

“Oh Mark,” he heard a voice say, “Don’t pray your blessings away.”

Confused, he wondered, how is this a blessing?

Sometimes in the moment, its hard to see how tragedy can turn out for good. I know I’ve been there.

But to his credit, Mark did just that.

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Because all of a sudden, his diagnosis and ensuing treatments transformed from a prison sentence to a personal mission.

If God wasn’t going to heal him, Mark thought, then he was going to lean in and learn as much from the experience as he could. And so for the next 20 years he threw himself at his disease with the same intensity and discipline that sharpened all other facets of his life.

Multiple rounds of chemo, a bone marrow transplant, and countless visits to hospitals and specialists around the country… Mark pursued every avenue, every opportunity, and very potential hope for a cure. In his final days, he estimated he had taken over 90,000 cancer fighting pills since his diagnosis.

From the outside, chasing doctors and having more surgeries than you can count might not look like much of a life.

But that’s not the whole picture.

Because as he was going through his countless ordeals, something else…something deeper… was happening.

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First, in an age where most families are dissolving and distancing themselves from one another, Mark, my aunt, and their children grew incredibly close. Despite a range of strong personalities that, in any other situation, would have driven wedges, Mark’s all-encompassing ordeal forged an intimacy and reliance upon each other that brought them together in ways nothing else could.

Second, even though Mark’s business acumen had created an impressive financial buffer to weather the storm, his children came out unaffected by privilege. More often than not, wealth and character seem mutually exclusive, but my cousins are as grounded, down to earth, and service minded as one could hope.

But lastly, the greatest change came in Mark himself. He managed the incredibly difficult task of drinking a bitter cup, without becoming bitter himself. Overtime I noticed how his focus changed. He was more compassionate, and interested in other people. He became gifted in sitting across from anyone and helping them feel special, unique, and loved.

And perhaps most amazing of all, despite his incurable disease, Mark became an incurable optimist. “Go and try it!” He would often urge, “It will work out for you good no matter what!” Whatever I was facing, his raging optimism added wind to my sails.

When I think about it…

A tight family…

Remarkable and capable children…

An increase in patience, hope, and optimism…

These are all “blessings” anyone of us would deeply hope for.

But on our own, do we have the wisdom and humility to pay the price for them? As I look at instances in my life and society as a whole… I’m not so sure.

Which brings us to you.

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Are you facing an incurable problem? Are you facing an insurmountable obstacle? And in difficult moments, have you found yourself trying to pray it away?

What if, like my uncle Mark, this isn’t a detour? What if there is something on the other side that you are meant to learn?

Comfort rarely produces character. Challenges may disrupt and destabilize, but they define and refine in equal measure. And the most influential people I’ve ever known aren’t defined by what they avoid, but by what they endure and cultivate along the way.

So when you are facing an uphill battle, or an unexpected turn of events… then hopefully this story will add some wind to your sails.

Because maybe… just maybe… this burden might be a blessing in time.

As my Uncle Mark has taught me, “It will work out for your good, no matter what!”

-Christian

CHRISTIAN HANSEN has gone behind the scenes in some of the biggest organizations in the world to find out the reasons why some people get chosen and why others don’t. As the #1 bestselling and LinkedIn Top Ten ranked author of “The Influence Mindset: The Art & Science of Getting People to Choose You” Christian helps teams and organizations who want to stand out and be the obvious choice. With degrees from Brigham Young University and The London School of Economics, he’s helped thousands of individuals position and sell themselves. A fan of international communication, history, and choral music, he currently lives in Utah with his family. Reach him at: TheChristianHansen.com