The 4 Words That Instantly Create Connection
Jan 09, 2026
Have you ever been in a conversation where you felt, “Wow, they really understood me.”…?
Afterwards, how did that moment of connection impact your day?
Did it change how you showed up for other people?
I’ve always been fascinated by how we can create deeper meaning and relationships through words.
And whenever I’ve had a particularly powerful moment with someone, I always leave asking the same question: How did they do it?
What was their secret?
What did they do that was so impactful?
I’ve discovered that deep moments of connection (and in turn standing out from the crowd) hinges on 4 simple words.
“That Must Have Been…”
Let me explain.
When you have shared something meaningful in a conversation, have you ever noticed the other person’s eyes looking for a gap so THEY could say something instead?
Its like they are hopping up and down with burning anticipation waiting for you to take a breath.
I sure have.
And I’ve been guilty of that too.
The truth is, when we wait for someone to stop talking so WE can say something instead, we aren’t really in a conversation.
We are just talking AT someone.
And no one likes to be talked AT.
However, instead of interrupting you, can you imagine if someone waited till you were finished and said, “That must have been..”
That must have been so incredible!
That must have been so difficult.
That must be so relieving.
That must be so frustrating!
What kind of change would this have in your conversation? How would it make you feel?
Personally? I have found it to be powerful.
And every single one of the master communicators I’ve studied say this phrase frequently.
That’s because instead of redirecting the moment back on themselves, when someone says, “That must be” or “That must have been”…
They are amplifying the emotion YOU are sharing in that moment.
They are creating a space for you to be heard and valued.
They are being a gracious conversationalist.
Why does this matter for you?
To put it simply, what if you were intentional about saying those 4 words EVERY time you spoke with someone?
How would that change the influence you have in your most important moments?
How would that change your listening, and what you listen for?
On a higher level, how would your relationships, business, and even leadership opportunities change if you took the time to intentionally say, “That must have been” in your conversations with others?
Try it and let me know.
I’ve found that success and influence don’t just happen. Rather they are things that can be studied, practiced and improved upon over time.
And when you create a moment for someone else to feel like you truly care…
When you build genuine connection…
That’s when the magic happens.
And that’s when people see you and what you offer in a completely different light.
Because in a world where everyone has comparable skills and abilities, he or she that connects best, wins.
That must be… an amazing feeling.
Christian
CHRISTIAN HANSEN has gone behind the scenes in some of the biggest organizations in the world to find out the reasons why some people get chosen and why others don’t. As the #1 bestselling and LinkedIn Top Ten ranked author of “The Influence Mindset: The Art & Science of Getting People to Choose You” Christian helps teams and organizations who want to stand out and be the obvious choice. With degrees from Brigham Young University and The London School of Economics, he’s helped thousands of individuals position and sell themselves. A fan of international communication, history, and choral music, he currently lives in Utah with his wife. Reach him at: TheChristianHansen.com
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