Are You Getting Second Dates?
Sep 25, 2026
I came across a quote attributed to Steve Jobs this week that stopped me in my tracks:
“If your customer buys once, you made a sale. If they come back, you built trust. If they tell others, you built a brand.”- Steve Jobs
Which got me thinking.
How much more effort does it take to build a brand vs make a sale?
How much more work is it to get people to come back again vs just coming once?
Few places have higher stakes for this problem than the world of dating. A few years ago researchers wondered, “what separates people who consistently get second dates vs those who only get one date?”
If that doesn’t boil down the issue of getting people to come back again… then I don’t know what does!
Over the course of the study researchers found one behavior kept showing up again and again: The people most likely to get a second date were ones who asked genuine follow up questions.
Sure, we all ask the basic questions…
Where are you from?
What do you like?
What is your favorite… food/sport/hobby/movie/dinosaur?
But when someone took the opportunity to ask a deeper follow up question, it increased the chances of a second date.
What was that like growing up there?
How did that experience impact you?
So how did the Quetzalcoatlus become your absolute favorite dinosaur?
*Excuse me. How could a flying dinosaur the size of an F-16 NOT be your favorite?*
The researchers found that people who asked follow up questions had at least a 5% increased chance of getting someone to go out again.
What would a 5% increase in people saying “yes” do for you?
Dale Carnegie, the legendary author of How to Win Friends and Influence people once sagely observed, “Ask questions the other person will enjoy answering.”
To do that, you can’t just stay at the surface level… you have to make the effort to go deeper.
Which brings us to you.
What are the simple questions you ask people every day?
Now consider, how could you ask deeper follow up questions?
What could you notice that invites a deeper opportunity for connection?
Because when we consider that every conversation you have this week is either a transaction… or a beginning… it changes how we show up.
So are your conversations creating transactions?
Or are your conversations getting you “second dates”?
Sounds like a good follow-up question to ask yourself.
Christian
CHRISTIAN HANSEN has gone behind the scenes in some of the biggest organizations in the world to find out the reasons why some people get chosen and why others don’t. As the #1 bestselling and LinkedIn Top Ten ranked author of “The Influence Mindset: The Art & Science of Getting People to Choose You” Christian helps teams and organizations who want to stand out and be the obvious choice. With degrees from Brigham Young University and The London School of Economics, he’s helped thousands of individuals position and sell themselves. A fan of international communication, history, and choral music, he currently lives in Utah with his family. Reach him at: TheChristianHansen.com
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